If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
