Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
