bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
is it fun? or sober?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
