Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
