I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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