Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You ever have a fart follow you around?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
