hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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