Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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