were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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