you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
