Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
