Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
