i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
