does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
