We tried having a conversation with our noses.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
