When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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