What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
