this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
