In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
