Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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