The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
