You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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