I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize