dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
if only i could text you this smell
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
