I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
