never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He shit in the fireplace
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
