spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
