I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
