shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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