I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
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