i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
