I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm like, not good at living.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize