She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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