Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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