I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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