life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
