doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
