Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
