Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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