Don't EVER smell your tampon
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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