I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
