To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
