I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
