Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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