Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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