I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
