We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
