i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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