its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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