She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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