I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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