therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
