HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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