Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
