I feel like abortions should bother me more
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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