So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
