But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize