I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
