i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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