Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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