you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
