I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
