You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
